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    “If the Tank dies, its the Healers fault. If the Healer dies its the Tanks fault. If anyone else dies its their own bloody fault!” - unknown

3.1 First Impressions

Posted by Joel Unravelled on 18 April, 2009

Kudos, as always, to Blizzard for the new content… but could you please stop fucking up the old content?

Remember Nessingwary? Remember the Epic quests to single-handedly put entire species on the endangered list?

Remember the feel of being the animal worlds’ equivalent of a Reaper hyped up on Caffeine after a really bad day reaping?

Guess what…. nerfed.

That’s right Nessingwary has been castrated because we all know that WoW players are fluffy little vegetarians girls that faint at the idea of a skinning profession and are all card carrying members of PETA in real life. (no offence meant to the actual fluffy little vegetarian girls…. of whom I’m quite fond)

But still… what’s next? No more mining skills because it encourages the exploitation of mother earth…err… I mean mother Azeroth. Oh no… Don’t rain of fire on that marauding pack of murlocs, there might be a rare red-spotted swamp gurgler leading them.

For the love of god…. (troll gods of course)… what’s next? The quest to castrate Nessingwary? Lead Thrall to elocution lessons? Take 20 pink ribbons and cure the new King of his misogynistic tendencies?

I’ll tell you what’s next.

  • The hunter class is being eliminated due to its exploitation of animals.
  • Dwarven females are going to be encouraged to play naked because they should be ‘proud of who they are
  • Trolls and undead will be hidden away because of their cannibalistic tendencies
  • Both factions will make peace with the burning legion because they are ‘just misunderstood
  • Gnomes will only be allowed to quest in male/female pairs so that they can’t fall prey to their homoerotic urges (we’ve all seen Lord of the Rings)
  • … and death knights will have their ‘rise-from-the-dead-as-a-ghoul‘ ability removed in case it offends fundamental Christians… oh wait… already happened.

celebrity-pictures-shatner-nimoy-bad-touch

I feel so violated….

So actual changes… Talent trees have been dumbed down, grinding has been reduced, RET Paladins still need a serious Nerf, classes are still unbalanced, classes are loosing more and more individuality despite the unbalance issues, old crafted gear that no one will ever buy has been upgraded, Unholy DK’s got a nerf (mentioned in the last bullet point) that removes  the only ability that differentiated them from a cut-&-paste Paladin clone.

But its really Nessingwary that chafes my ass….

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3 Responses to “3.1 First Impressions”

  1. [...] is kinda flipping out over some of the things the last few patches have done to the game (read 3.1 First Impressions & Dumbing down WoW – you’ll see what I [...]

  2. [...] – What to do? at That Damn Roleplayer – Rites of Passage at Snake in the Grass – 3.1 First Impressions at Altaholics Anonymous – Many, many “back in MY day” posts from the VeCo realm [...]

  3. [...] is kinda flipping out over some of the things the last few patches have done to the game (read 3.1 First Impressions & Dumbing down WoW – you’ll see what I [...]

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