Where are you now?

_

The Shaman (78) saunters across the makers playground in search of wee beasties to feed his ever hungry guild. Skins are harvested by axe, mace, dagger and fist weapon, a moment of conflict and then the peace of yet another successful hunt. Unsuspecting beasts from the gentle long-neck to the vicious proto-drake fall in a flurry of blows. Alone but for the ghostly wolves that lope at her side, and the occasional elemental servant summoned to assist, she is master of all she surveys. A veritable weapon master, a whirling dervish of death she stands unchallenged, INVINC.. *SPLAT* …… “damn rogues”.

The Warlock (65) master of demonic forces and destructive energies, meanders across the gentle slopes of Nagrand like death itself has come to this land. It is a purposeless journey, and along the way animal and humanoid alike feels the touch of Fel energies and seconds later is cast into the bottomless darkness of final death. Glee fills orcish eyes as demonic agents rend flesh, and souls are casually ripped apart. This is where he comes to relax in the peace and [Curse of Agony] [Corruption] [Shadow Bolt] [Shadow bolt] sudden stillness of the verdant plains. There isn’t a soul to bother him, at least not any more, and he can stop to pick the flowers at his leisure. All is well for the orc, nothing can stand in his *YANK* *SPLAT* ….. “damn death knights”.

The Paladin (72), wielder of the light and reluctant protector of all that is good stands uncomfortably on the shores of Northrend. It has been a long journey to get here, and the knowledge that he and his entire order have been manipulated, despite the good intentions, does not sit well with him. At the heart of this land lies Arthus, and without he and the other blood knights this abomination will bring death to his beloved city and his people once more. Silvermoon must be protected, the pinnacle of magical and cultural development can not be snuffed out by a pathetic human, no matter how much necromantic energy swells their power. Yet this new land irks him, the primitive garb he has been forced to scavenge is but a poor reflection of the glorious gear liberated in outlands, his crystal hammer replaced by crude axe as he seeks to carve a path to the foot of the frozen throne. Soon he will…. *STAB*… huh? *STAB* *STAB* *STAB* *STAB* “light damned backstabbing rogues can’t even wait the 5 minutes it takes to cut this opponent down”. *STAB* *STAB* He mutters a sigh and [Divine Shield] [Holy Light] leaves the area before the unexpected conflict causes him to perspire excessively.

Animated by fell necromancy, embraced by unholy power, the Death Knight (61) drives across the tormented wastes of Hellfire Peninsular. Any that stand in her path fall, those that move aside are left unharmed. She is not here to bring simple slaughter, as soothing as that would be, there is a purpose here. She carves a path towards acceptance, to earn her place within the horde so that they might, in turn, clear her a path to Arthus so she can repay him for his ‘gift’ of unending torment. There is no mercy here, nothing but determination and … *YANK* *CLANG* “oh look another Death Knight (65) volunteers to feed this homicidal rage” [Strangulate] [Icy Touch] [Plague Strike] [Blood Strike] “don’t flee brother” … [Death Grip]… [Blood Strike] [Scourge Strike] … a burning desire for revenge in her march to the Ice Crown Citadel.

There we have the progression of my big four.

Enhancement Shaman, unstoppable PvE machine.

Demonic Warlock, unstoppable PvE machine.

Protection Paladin, completely stoppable.

Unholy Death Knight, unstoppable machine.

I have loved all the QQ going on about how OP the death knight is, and where does all this whine originate? The Rogues of course. The only class with the RP and mechanics to make ganking their No. 1 game activity have finally got competition. No longer can they see a red bar (be it eating in a secluded location, engaged in combat with multiple combatants, or motionless as their player contemplates the map) and be guaranteed of  free honor points.

Loving this new expansion

Unholy Bloody Cold!

Death Knight is Murloc for “Happy in the pants”.

It’s true, I swear on the mottled hides of the elder Gods we didn’t consume!

Of course it also means over-confident smear on the road in some languages too.

Picture this, a slightly preoccupied Death Knight (60 Unholy) stands motionless in the Badlands, surrounded by whelps. Maybe she is staring at the ancient monoliths, perhaps she is contemplating her fall into death and damnation, maybe her controller is getting a coffee.

Into this picturesque scene wanders a hostile DK (67 Blood). Our heroine in awoken from her contemplations by a coil of purple eldritch ‘come hither’ and a fast approaching 7 feet of enchanted, razor sharp, steel.

Unholy DK reduced to 50% health before her ‘controller’ manages to leap into the hot-seat [without dumping scalding coffee into his crotch or across the keyboard]. In the ensuing melee the attacker is reduced to half of their life, and our heroine bites the dust, temporarily. 

Unholy remember.

This is your best friend….. and its also you….. sometimes…..

Between the expendable ghoulish side-kick and the DK crawling forth once more as an enraged … um…. un-undead? re-dead? whatever….. the attacker is summarily slain and (just for kicks) exploded.

Gotta love unholy.  

That is a pure Holy build at 60. Conventional wisdom suggest that Blood is DPS for PvE, Frost is Tanking, and Unholy is DPS for PvP.

Bugger conventional wisdom, my number 2 death knight is sitting pretty with a 19/16/16 build with more being shoved into the blood tree as I progress. Death Knights have got to be the class (with the possible exception of Rogues) where it looks to me as if spreading talents around all three trees can be a boon.

Now I’m not crunching DPS number here, I’m looking at sheer survivability in PvP & PvE situations as I only play on PvP servers. Blood = Parry increase & stat increases. Frost = Toughness & speed increases.  Holy = Dodge, stat increases & longer lasting diseases.

Now I’ve jut got to play with dual-wielding. Sadly I’m not sure it’ going to work too well.

WarHammer let’s investigate!!!

 I have inally given way to the peer-pressure (jokes), and now that the hordes (pardon the pun) of PvPers have abandoned Warhammer Online and come back to Warcraft for 3.0, I figured I’d give ‘the hammer’ a good try. I know that Warhammer is ‘the cool’ thing and all the big kids are playing it, but I’ve never been good at following the trends.

So below is an assessment of Warhammer in comparison to Vanguard, Warcraft, Guild Wars, and the two free MMOG’s I played while lairing in Korea. I’ll compare classes, player vs player combat, combat systems, land size, skill systems, playability (interface and computer requirements), grouping, crafting, look and fluff content. So if you don’t WANT to know, or don’t give a rats ass what I think, don’t click on the MORE tab below.

World of WarCraft patch 3.0

3.0.2 on the path to Rash of the Itch King

 

WoW has again caused me to sit up and take notice…. but where to start?

 

Paladins? A complete change in the blessing and judgment mechanic has turned the laborious but uncomplicated …bless… judge…bless…judge rotation into a much simpler one with a single longer-lasting blessing laid down, then a choice of multiple types of judgment that don’t knock the blessing off. Turns the laborious process into one that is almost fun…. not to mention the reduction in the effectiveness of the almighty bubble, and the loving shown to the Retribution Talent Tree. I’m back in love with my thick-skinned light-lovers.

 

Of course my No.2 paladin has always been more eye-candy then serious grinder, apparently we males tend to gender-bend our toons more then the girls do. The reason for this is simple, a guy can excuse just about any stupidity, insult, or mistake if it comes in a cute package. Frankly up till now a Paladins performance has been so stupid that its been insulting, so if we’re going to be staring for hours at something that lame we might as well make it pretty. Now however my girl (pictured below in her chain-mail bikini of male distraction +5) is actually smooth to play too. Less pixel porn and more pew-pew.

Cleavage of Mesmerism

Warlocks? Swing… have you looked at the changes to demonology? No that’s NOT the Headmasters Staff in my pocket, and I AM happy to see these. It seems my Warlock and his pet, ax wielding, demon can no longer be killed in PvE Solo. We’ll see how we go in Raid and PvP soon enough. But right now I am in love with 90% of the Demonology Talent Tree, sadly at the top of the tree we find the demon form….. and it can stay in that sadly ironic impaled position until it actually becomes useful.

 

Shaman? Oh… not as blissful here, with the change to how stats provide attack power has proven vexing as all the gear I changed to “of the soldier” would have been better left as “of the bandit”. Never mind, my two giant killer wolves go well with my AV Epic wolf mount and my worg puppy so all is good with the world.

 

Inscriptions? Oh! My! God! Herb prices have increased 500% across the Auction house on at least three of my servers, greedy little green-fingered gits gouging us as half the population re-skills into Inscriptions. Still, I can’t argue about the potential, so far its far more versatile and useful then Jewel Crafting. It makes me cry into my rum when I have to use my own green-gold (herbs) just to level up my little inscriber. -== Bannana Shoulders does a good levelling guide here ==-

 

World PvP! It lives as we dash across the realm trying to awaken all those elusive achievements.

 

Achievements: Speaking of these… this brings an old gamer like me back to the keyboard…. we can show the world all the useless places we’ve been and the pointless things we’ve done. Kudos to Blizzard on these massive time sinks…. 2050 and rising, and that’s just on my farmer.

 

Keeping with the Rash of the Itch King Achievement themes “You love crab”!!!!!! 

 

….. more later…. right now back to running around like a mad bastard while scoffing virtual candy…

I am WoW weary

I should WoW… I want to WoW… I just can’t.

Without the grind of payed work to unwind from it becomes work in it’s own right… my Zen PC meditation looks more like the pointless grind it is. I’ve never had the loser existence required time to spend raiding weekend to make minor upgrades to stuff. I don’t care about having the best gear, I just want my character to progress, and the game world to unwind. A new book of Lore gets my vote over a slightly bigger stat pool, I’d rather look funky and/or menacing then have the best gear, and I hate it when I reach level 70.

I want to use the spells that are cool, I want to use the talent tree that is funky and gives me lots of buttons to press rather the work out that perfect DPS three-key-press rotation. Give me scenery, give me storyline and 5 man dungeons… screw it… just give me an RPPvP server for Oceanic and be done with it. That would ensure I start another 3 to 10 characters and keep me subscribed for a while.

In the mean time I’ve defected to Vanguard… sadly my pitiful laptop lacks the power to render the game properly, effectively cutting of the Diplomatic and Crafting aspects of the game and leaving me with the adventuring third.   

Or I could go back to work….. yuck!

Maraudon

alternative title: Fat monsters need loving too!

Maraudon is one of the old and more pointless dungeon, being heavily avoided in the early stages of the game and almost forgotten with the arrival of Burning Crusade. It’s a level 40 to 49 dungeon that starts with a lot of plant monsters (no material for tailoring, no coin) and generally goes downhill from there.

At high levels this dungeon is easily solo-able by a DPS class, and a Tank could manage too if they really wanted to waste time.

The dungeon is split into two sections, and like many of the older dungeons once you have completed the first section you can skip it next time. The second section is a bit more interesting with some bits of plot thown in and a love-story to flesh out the final Boss, Princess Theradras. She’s a big Elemental in clogs, and she gives the thinking player pause because in the Warcraft Metaverse ugly is apparently an element.

She can drop a really nice Band of Reanimation, which served me well as an Enhancement Shaman.

Linkless

They’re taking away my life-line. I’m like a patient on an iron lung, without being plugged in I may not survive

I was sinking a lot of time into doing research for the Celestial Archives but that was voluntary withdrawal and not something forced against my will. Damn it I’ve got a server full of min-maxed classes, races, and professions sitting at level 10 that need levelling. You can’t take it away from me because that’s when I need it!

That’s right… I’m going to be sans computer……. no computer means no WoW addiction… where oh where am I going to get a fix?

WoW Vacation

Taking a break from wow until I shuffle the significant other off the continent. After that I’ll be back with Instance reviews.

L33T speak on the rise

There was a time when L33T speak could have been considered cool. It was a semi-coherent language spoken by those geeks so caught up in their ability to stay up late on a school night that they considered themselves hackers. Maybe they were, maybe they were just pre-pubescent software pirates, but either way they were a funky little minority with delusions of importance.

Then L33T speak morphed from it’s original meaning of Elite [gee isn't that clever they miss-spelt it and replaced the E's with 3's], to it’s current meaning of a) Illiterate, b) not yet a teenager, c) sexually repressed retard, or d) all of the above.

Thx saves a whole two letters. If saving time on two letters is so essential then for fuck’s sake learn to touch type you pansy.

Kewl doesn’t save any letters but simply drives home just how retarded you are.

Substituting 3 for E is not clever, you’re not saving any letters, in fact you have to move your whole hand a little, thereby losing the speed advantage of touch typing.

Pwned…. someone of no importance once miss-spelt owned (oh my, the keys are next to each other) and now millions of sheep-like cretins have immortalized this meaningless typo. Now if that isn’t a monument to today’s culture of meaningless iconology and brainless regurgitation on the scale of Mt. Rushmore or The Sphinx, then I don’t know what is.

America started the trend with dumbing down simplifying the English language, early telegraphs continued the process with pay-per-letter content that was followed by the text messages (SMS to some) that put the lid on the coffin. Now the illiterate, semi-coherent and usually meaningless babble of L33T speak is helping to ensure that a whole new generation is unable to read a sentence more then ten words long and write one with more letters in it then their age.

PS For your edification the word Twink (often used in the MMORPG community) has been adopted from the homosexual culture, it originally referred to a younger, prettier male with an older, and richer ‘patron’.

So for all the Twinks out there, have a nice night butt boy!

 

     

OH MY GOD!!!

..sure what happens in party chat stays in party chat, but I wish I’d logged last nights little SM run…..

no more shall be spoken of this to protect the reputation of Orcs everywhere…